This post will be exploring high functioning Borderline Personality Disorder, otherwise known as Quiet BPD. If you’re informed about Borderline Personality Disorder or you read my last post What EUPD Feels Like | Living with BPD, you’ll be aware of the symptoms and traits of BPD. If you haven’t yet read that post, I suggest you read it before this one as that post shows a more broad outlook of BPD symptoms.
This post, on the other hand, will be looking at one of the subtypes of BPD – Quiet BPD (sometimes referred to as ‘high functioning borderline personality disorder’, but I don’t particularly agree with that term (we’ll explore why later on).
If you don’t have BPD, you may not be aware that there are multiple different subtypes of Borderline Personality Disorder. Here are the 4 BPD subtypes:
- Impulsive borderline
- Discouraged borderline
- Self-Destructive borderline
- Quiet borderline
In the UK, professionals often refer to BPD as EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) so we’ll be switching between the two names throughout this post. Today, we’ll be discussing the BPD subtype that’s commonly known as high functioning borderline personality disorder – the quiet borderline.
What is Quiet BPD?
There are specific differences between Quiet BPD and the other 4 subtypes of BPD. The most common and well-known difference is that people with Quiet BPD turns their emotion inwards rather than outwards. This often makes it harder to spot and diagnosis as the signs are usually hidden and kept private, rather than having public outbursts.
The person may turn to self harm/suicidal behaviour, give someone the silent treatment, or isolate themselves from others if they sense they’re being abandoned. Other types of BPD may show symptoms such as outwardly projecting emotions when they sense abandonment, such as having public fits of rage and shouting at the person they fear is abandoning them.
This behaviour is typically easier to spot and therefore someone with one of the other 4 subtypes of BPD may receive their diagnosis quicker and more easily. Alternatively, someone with Quiet BPD is likely to wait years longer for their diagnosis as their symptoms tend to be hidden and ‘quiet’ (hence the name Quiet BPD).
Is Quiet BPD the same as high functioning BPD?
As mentioned above, some people refer to Quiet BPD as high functioning BPD. This is because the signs aren’t projected outwards and are instead turned inwards, so the symptoms often don’t appear as disruptive to relationships, jobs, and friendships. However, personally I disagree that this type of Borderline Personality Disorder is ‘high functioning’.
In my personal experience, Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder is extremely painful. Imagine you feel all the symptoms and emotions of someone with a different subtype of BPD, but you can’t express them. The feelings and emotions are trapped inside you with no way of escaping. How would you feel? I imagine you’d feel frustrated, trapped, lonely, isolated, and misunderstood.
Having Quiet BPD can feel like you’re drowning in your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions as nobody is noticing or recognising the pain you’re in. On the outside you may appear fine and ‘put together’, even though on the inside you’re screaming. This may sound dramatic but that’s exactly what a Quiet BPD episode feels like for me.
All you want to do is tell someone how you’re feeling, but you’re so afraid of being abandoned or judged for your feelings that you project them inwards instead, often engaging in self-harm, impulsivity, and other behaviours that damage no-one but yourself.
Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms
Here are some Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms:
- Lack of boundaries
- Experiencing paranoia
- Feeling angry at yourself
- Feeling alone
- Giving your partner / friends / family the silent treatment
- Self harm / suicidal tendencies that others don’t know about
- Isolating yourself when feeling overwhelmed or abandoned – This can also be a symptom of Clinical Depression
- Having an obsession with one person and noticing your mood depends on how they treat you / how they’re feeling
- Taking a lot of minute things personally
- Being extremely afraid of rejection and abandonment
- Idealising and devaluing people
- Paranoia about friends / family member / partners hating you or ignoring you when they may simply be busy
- Extremely fast mood swings – Mood dysregulation can also be a symptom of Bipolar Disorder
- Pushing people away but being intensely afraid of being alone
- Feeling like you’re in a dream (derealisation)
- Chronic people pleasing
- Hiding / suppressing emotions due to shame
- Being hypervigilant at all times – this can also be a symptom of Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)
- Struggling to discuss emotions and feelings
- Experiencing an empty or numb sensation / feeling
These are just some of the symptoms of Quiet BPD and there are many more that you may experience. Please remember that everyone with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) experiences the disorder differently and may not look or act the same as someone else with the same disorder.
How is Quiet BPD diagnosed?
As mentioned above, Quiet EUPD can be difficult to diagnose as it’s often difficult to spot. Other EUPD subtypes tend to be more obvious as the behaviour is projected outwards rather than inwards. If you suspect you may have this particular subtype of Borderline Personality Disorder, please visit your GP to discuss being referred onto a psychiatrist or other personality disorder specialist for diagnosis and treatment.
Things will only become easier to manage when you reach out for help, as hard as that can seem. I promise your feelings are not shameful or wrong, they’re simply a trauma response. Once you visit a psychiatrist, you must experience 5 out of 9 BPD symptoms to receive a Quiet BPD diagnosis. If you receive an EUPD diagnosis, make sure to ask the psychiatrist what type of BPD they think you have and mention Quiet BPD if you believe you’re suffering from this particular EUPD subtype.
So many people feel the exact same way that you do and not allowing yourself to reach out for help will just lead to your symptoms progressing and most likely becoming worse.
You can visit my Instagram, my Twitter, my TikTok, or my Pinterest for more BPD and mental health content. helped you feel more informed and educated about Quiet BPD and showed you that your feelings aren’t wrong, shameful, or embarrassing. Stay safe. <3
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