Losing a Pet Suddenly // The 5 Stages of Grieving

Losing a pet suddenly is heart-breaking, shocking and hard to come to terms with. You guys know I love to write posts that cheer you up and lift your sprits, especially during the current lockdown. However, there are also issues within our lives that we can’t control and that effect us negatively and take a toll on our mental health and wellbeing, no matter how positive we try to be as a person. I want to raise awareness of these issues and speak about my personal experiences, to help others feel less alone and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Therefore, sadly, this post isn’t going to be the most upbeat and positive one. Today, I’m going to be talking to you guys about my personal experience losing a pet suddenly and my grieving process. I’m hoping to help people feel less alone by writing this post, as I know how lonely and miserable the grieving process can be, but I promise you are never alone. So, without further ado, here is my personal experience of losing a pet suddenly:

Losing a pet suddenly – my experience

He was a springer spaniel and we bought him when I was around 7 years old. We decided to call him Ollie – I hated the name at first, but it soon grew on me and I came round. I’m so glad I did because Ollie suited him so well; it was the perfect name for him! He was a bit troublesome as a puppy, but we took him to some behavioural classes, got his balls chopped off (sorry… excuse my French) and he became the most loving, caring, kind dog you could ever imagine. No doubt about it, he became my number 1 best friend.

He was the one I cried to, laughed with, cuddled when I felt down and just generally had the best times with. I shared all my emotions with him and he truly seemed to understand. To anyone who’s never had a dog, this may seem silly and over-dramatic. However, anyone who’s lost a dog will know it’s truly like losing a family member. For me, it was losing my best friend and pet in one.

When you have a pet, it’s your responsibility to look after them. Take them for walks, feed them, buy them toys, play with them, keep them warm, cuddle them. You look after them when they are poorly and do anything you can to help them feel better. So, when your pet falls ill – seriously ill – it’s extremely difficult to deal with the fact that there’s nothing you can do to make them better.

Ollie did pretty suddenly. He was 11 years old, so although he wasn’t young, he definitely wasn’t at an age where we expected to lose him. He had cancer in two places and there was no way we could help him. The cancer developed extremely quickly, so quickly that we didn’t know he was suffering until the day he fell extremely ill and we took him to the emergency vets. The vet told us to go home and leave him there overnight, where they would X-Ray him and see how detrimental the situation really was.

About 2 hours later, we had a phone call to tell us we would have to go back to the vets to perform euthanasia, as the X-Ray wasn’t looking good and euthanasia was the most humane answer. On our way to the vets, we had a phone call to tell us Ollie had passed peacefully before we got there. We didn’t even get to say goodbye. I can honestly say that that phone call was the most shocking, heart-breaking and damaging moment of my life. Finding out Ollie had passed without us there beside him was the worst day of my life, without a doubt. My best friend was gone.

The 5 Stages of Grief

Denial – I experienced a lot of this, and ‘m sure my family must have too. As it was so sudden, it was really hard to come to terms with, believe and accept. This was definitely the first stage of grief for me, and it was extremely difficult. I just couldn’t, or didn’t want to, believe my baby had gone.

Anger – This was something I felt about a week after Ollie’s passing. I was so angry with everyone, including myself. Angry at the vet for not saving Ollie. Angry at my family for not noticing something was wrong sooner. Angry at the world for taking my best friend away from me. This anger wasn’t justified, as nothing could have been done to save Ollie. The anger made no sense, but something you’ll find about the grieving process after losing a pet suddenly is that nothing makes sense. Nothing in the world.

Bargaining – This is something I am still dealing with, almost 3 years after the loss of Ollie. I am constantly asking myself ‘what if’ questions. What if I had noticed something was wrong sooner? What if we drove that little bit faster to the vets? Its hard to accept that this was a situation where nothing could be done to save him, but it doesn’t stop the bargaining.

Depression – As time went on, the denial and anger stopped and I just became depressed. I felt seriously down and upset 99% of the time. No-one could cheer me up as no-one could bring Ollie back, and that was all I wanted in the world. It’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when you reach this stage but I promise there is one. It may just take awhile to find it. If you find yourself to be struggling with this for a while, I have a whole blog post on Realistic Mental Health Self Care that may help you.

Acceptance – This only happened about a year after Ollie passed away. That may sound long to some and short to others, but it’s important to remember that the grieving process after losing a pet suddenly will be different for everyone. Everyone grieves differently and a different paces, and that’s perfect okay. One day you will come to accept what has happened and learn to look back in fondness at the happy times, rather than dwelling on the sad, yet inevitable, end.

Who to turn to after losing a pet suddenly

If you have family, chances are they are also grieving over the loss too. This will be a very sensitive and saddening time for everyone, so it’s important to sick together and remind each other of the good times you had with your pet. Looking back at old photos when we took Ollie for a walk, gave him extra treats o his birthday and even when we first got him as a puppy, really worked for us. It reminded us that he had a wonderful life full of love and happiness, and he would have enjoyed his life having us as his owners who loved him so very much. We know that Ollie knew how loved and cared for he was, even if we weren’t there right at the very end. That thought alone helped us get through the grieving process immensely.

Even if you don’t feel like your family or friends fully understand the grieving process after losing a pet suddenly, it still may be nice to speak to them and get your thoughts and feelings off your chest. they can still be there for you and help you through it, even if they don’t fully understand exactly what you’re going through. You can also engage in therapy or counselling, as I’ve hard a lot of stories where people find that super helpful during the grieving process after losing a pet suddenly. I have a whole blog post explaining to you guys the skills I learnt through my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy journey, and exactly how CBT helped me throughout my daily life (spoiler alert: I’d definitely recommend engaging in CBT if you have the means to! I started mine through the NHS.)

If you are sadly dealing with grieving for losing a pet suddenly, my heart truly goes out to you and I am only a DM away on Instagram or Twitter if you need someone to speak to who fully and truly understands how you feel. Please don’t feel as though you can’t reach out to a professional and ask for help. So many people ask for help every day, either by going to their GP or using online mental health services, so never feel ashamed r embarrassed about needing some extra help!

If you need professional help right then and there as you find yourself feeling low, I have a blog post to share with you guys called What Happens when you Text a Mental Health Crisis Line? that may help you to better understand what to expect when you reach out for immediate help, and to normalise asking for help as it is not scary or shameful in any way. Grieving over losing a pet suddenly can be just as painful as grieving for a human being. Your grief is valid, I promise.